I miss him

I felt the loss acutely today. Bek had come back from visiting down in Sierra vista and shared a couple things that rang so true and pierced my core. I guess it doesn't matter how much time has passed. It just dulls the ache in my heart. 

It was assisted by talking to my aunt... Mostly of how much she loved dad. That he was her best friend and that she told him everything... And that he would have tea parties with her... Apparently though, it was because grandma would make him a peanut butter sandwich as he "left for work." I had this visual of him as a younger man, with a Derek smirk, carting in these huge containers of peanut butter from/for the food storage. 

I wish my memory was better. I wish I could express this properly... I just love him so much, and want to do right by him and what he did for me... Gave to me.. 

Such a loss the my world.