the three remain

There are a slew of people at work that I find hilarious, fantastic and a joy to work with and pass throughout the day.. and then there are 'the three.' They are always lumped together as one whole when I think of work. They are so different from each other, besides their similar interest in beer, sports, and weird sense of humor- their personalities, I feel, are widely different. Sometimes I wonder exactly how this bond was forged. It is tried and true, and even now with one of them gone, they are still three.

And for some weird weird reason, as a fly on the wall and for some random teasing interactions, I adore them. (not in a, 'hey isn't he the bees-knees..' kind of way)  I speak of them and their idiosyncrasies with fondness. Despite having very different views and values from my own... I have a special place in my heart for them. I can't peg why, but it's there. If you ask me about work. If I have a story to tell, they will appear. I apologize in advance.

Dammit.

Insert title here

A few thoughts. Generally random, as per tradition.

1. THANKSGIVING! I feel so grateful for my family and the chaos that we are. It brights such joy to my existence. I missed them greatly this year.

2. THANKSGIVING PART 2- I got to go to Ileah's (cousin) house this year. Note, that Ileah is an amazing cook. She made it all herself and requested no help from anyone else. So good. It was fun to also hang out with that part of my fam OUTSIDE of work- especially to experience a holiday with them.

3. "What is there to forgive? Ignore forgive and concentrate of living. Life for you is short; far too short to allow small jealousies to infringe on the happiness which can be yours only for the briefest of times."
Jasper Fforde

I love this quote in regard to the people I surround myself with. At first my very person leapt at the "ignore forgive" part- because repentance and forgiveness is such a necessary part of existence, but I feel like we hold too much sometimes onto things. Petty things. But life IS short. It's passing by so quickly, that to let these things infringe on the happiness that is ours is only detrimental to ourselves.

4. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt

Goes along with the last. But also, don't be a doormat.
Yes, please, come and wipe your feet on me again. I love when you make me miserable. (false)

5. I have amazing parents. I'm going to be honest, I have an easy time with certain aspects of the gospel mostly due to my knowledge that there is a loving Heavenly Father watching out for me. I have evidence of this in my life on a scale due to my parents. If you haven't met my mom, she's the nicest, caring, most giving person I know. And my dad. My dear old dad. Words cannot express my feelings in regard to him. He remains a rock and foundation in my life. And there he will remain.

Photos from most recent adventures:

I LOVE and am thankful for (the quick list)

A mom, who is a rock and fantastic example of love
Sisters that I can share my ridiculous obsessions with
Brothers that I think the world of, miss incredibly, and make me feel safe
A dad, who reminds me there is something more
Long lost relations and the beginnings of friendship
A snarky aunt that puts up with my pesterings
My beautifully creative cousin, she bakes and is truly an artist
Best of friends.
Solid relationships that don't break through time, distance, or other bull
The ability to create
Shelves of books, of all sizes and colors
Capturing a moment
Delicious colognes
Captivating conversations
Endless possibilities
The feel of good paper that make my fingertips sing
Warmth on cold days
That light summer breeze
Letters in the mail
Fresh baked goods
A good singing voice, preferably male
Sunshine after days of Seattle clouds
Seattle clouds after months of sunshine
Kindness of strangers
Bustle of people
Being alone
A good pen
Long answering machine messages
Joy that comes from serving
Seattle skyline
That thrill that overcomes when I'm caught in a book. My mouth goes dry, my eyes are searching, the the world around me is lost
The sight of my house after a long day
A job with amusing friends
Clever schemes.. or not so clever ones.
The ache of goodbye and the joy at reunion
Hot chocolate
Christmas lights
My parks
New tunes
Teasing between friends
A good hug
A solid handshake
The sound of an acoustic guitar
Peace that comes from reading of good things
Comfort in those dreadful times


The fact that if/when I focus on the good things, I can push away my irritation and any other hurt that I am currently feeling. The ache lessens, the healing begins.

Random Thoughts for a Sunday

So I've been having some things stewing in my brain for a while, and I'm going to make an attempt to make this coherent enough to be understood. There aren't real connections between the thoughts, hence the random. Always so random... 

1. On writing. There is something I have found while writing, and the fact that it's NaNoWriMo, it seems almost logical that I'd be thinking about this. While I do create the written form of these characters and plots, I feel like I am really there to get their tale in print form. I have been reading some random books as of late, which shall remain nameless- but I have noticed that while I am on this adventure with this character, I get to know them pretty well. I'm in their head, I'm right there with them.. And then BAM! something comes out of left field. 

Now, sometimes this is great for a plot twist. But in this regard it's because the character is doing something out of character with the way they have been written. Does that make sense? It's a blatant moment of the author deciding on an alternative route that the character would not have done for themselves. Whether it be a love interest or a decision to go into that creepy house. If someone were to write me as a character and "I" chose to go whimsically into a creepy house, this would be out of character and the reader would know this, because they've come to find out that I'm a paranoid wacko and would never choose to do it. The author is forcing my hand to tell the story how they want it to end, rather than the natural flow of the story.. 

I write. I like it. I love getting lost in these tales that I see. The flow of the story comes and shoots out into the page, but as a reader, I think there is something incredibly annoying when I can tell that this is an ending the author is forcing. 

2. Personal Revelation; (bam! subject change) It's been interesting when random conversations come out at work about Church/Mormon related things. They're really focused on the coffee and alcohol part of my existence- aka lack thereof. Really-focused. In my head it's no big, but whateves... Any-who... What I find interesting is my choice in the matter. I feel the need to remind them that I am free to choose! I-choose not to drink... I still have a choice in the matter. I don't fear a burning hellfire or some kind of condemnation from my God or even family or friends. In my logical brain, I just don't want it. On the spiritual side, I have made a covenant with God not to. Both these things result in the decisions I have made for my life. 

Which brings me to the personal revelation bit. We have the ability and opportunity to find answers for ourselves. I was reading a talk by Dallin H. Oaks and he made a point that it is constantly repeated to ask, and ye shall receive. Knock and it shall be opened. Right? Maybe you've heard that bit? What a fantastic promise. When I ask in faith, I can receive answers. Big or small. I have a loving Father in Heaven that wants the best for me. Honestly, I have a really easy time picturing this because of MY parents. Especially my mom. 

While I think of this, I feel the need to point out that if someone says something weird in a meeting, over the pulpit or any place, whether it is a bishop or the prophet himself, if it raises a question, makes us turn our heads and go eh?! then it is our duty and opportunity to take that question to the Lord on whether or not it is right- big or small. (umm how cool is that?) We are never asked to follow blindly. That seems contrary to everything I have been taught. 

"Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." (D&C 9: 7-8) 

3. Forgiveness: 

I remember a talk maybe by John Bytheway.. ? and he said something along the lines of- the opposite of love isn't hate... it's indifference. that hate is still acknowledging that person, there is still emotion involved.. anger, hurt... but indifference is like they no longer exist. (which apparently this has been mentioned by other people than Mr. Bytheway... but... yea...) I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Have you ever had someone completely disregard you? Look past you like your invisible? Turn past you to talk to your companion? I have. It hurts more than any hateful words I have ever received. It eats your insides and stews to consuming. There aren't words to properly describe this. Although I do know there were a few girls a part of the "amanda isbell hate club," when I was at BYU-lite. In that regard it was somewhat amusing. 

It's been on my mind lately because sometimes there is no rectifying the damage. I've honestly tried to make peace and resolve the issues that I caused. I have asked forgiveness, and all I can do at this point is continue on and not return to previous habits. This effort is obviously made on my part, because I have made an error and I attempted to rectify. If they choose to be offended by something I did months-years ago, there isn't anything I can do. But pray.. a lot. My thoughts continuously return to this talk by Elder Bednar (click here). (I love Elder Bednar's ability to be blunt and straight forward, but loving in his statements)

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." 

This is enough random for tonight. I'm tired and I have work tomorrow. 

BTW- this was such an awesome weekend, and I luf Seattle... and I luf parks.. and reading rooms and books and friends and good food! and.... sometimes just being alone in a crowd of strangers. 

Game on..