In other news:

As you can see from my super duper picture, I finally apprehended my NEW license from the great state of Washington!

Amanda! What has taken so long?

Whatever. Leave me alone. The DMV in AZ took HOURS to do anything.. And here, it's an hour to Oak Harbor, an hour back.. and the anticipation of several hours there? Ewe gross. But I did it today and I was in and out in 10 and totally beat the rush. Thank you Oak Harbor. BAM!

Also in said picture you will see an ipod shuffle. My world came to a

drastic halt the day before my birthday when my ipod took a flying leap into unwanted waters and hasn't awakened since. Well.. he's woken, but just to taunt me then DIE again. It's really tragic. So I had to get a semi replacement because I can't run without tunes thrashing my eardrums.

Wow, Amanda. You've become awfully chatty since you've moved.."

It's TRUUUUEE!!

I.. can't help myself.. It's beautiful and lovely and spectacular! But I have the tendency, and a few can really attest that I get into your presence or you on the phone and I don't SHUT UP! You've got me at the door and somehow I've got another story to tell. Oy- with the poodles!! I swear.

And I proclaim to be anti-social. BAH! HA! Nonsense. But I keep telling friends to come and visit me. And they SHOULD! Not now cause it's SNOWING! As seen in pictures presented.

But then I realize that some of my favorite places are just places that I observe the wonders of the world in silence. Cool? Alright. Obviously Seattle and Deception Pass, totally going there.. Ferry boats.. Oh, how I love you. And you should also plan your trip around a TCC show. Cause that's important.

This week was an interesting one and due to my last post, which took a few days of stewing, I kind of wanted to end on a better note. Because I'm an optimist, it seems.. as much as I deny or think otherwise.

Not sure why I think ending on a better note should involve the crazy snow fall this week. I feel like I brought it with me. Sorry Washington! (o_0)

But I did get some cool pictures from it..

I like trees. especially cool looking ones.. covered in snow..

And how can I resist clouds and light? I can't.

I ALSO got to "dog sit" today.. New puppies that were just born yesterday. The lady wanted to go to a funeral and didn't want to leave them alone. So I sat, and read.. and investigated when I heard excessive amounts of yipping.

And with that. I end. Because blogspot TOTALLY hates me tonight. Ugh.

Forgiveness is hard. Harder than I imagine it to be. There are certain things that I have been able to ignore and get past, and then there are those distinct others that really infuriate and tear at me. I guess I should preface this with the fact that I was faced with this earlier this week due to some moronic remarks made. Whoever came up with that stupid sticks and stones chant made that up to fool themselves. At these moments I have a tendency to fool myself in believing that remaining in such a state for a time is okay. To kind of.. move past it. So I egg it on with particular tunes. But moving past gets particularly difficult during occasions such as these, especially when Empathy Girl gets involved.. it's a blessing and a curse, I swear. I guess I should explain Empathy Girl some day.. Today is not that day.

In a moment of distraction and actually cooling my jets.. A thought came- I will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. Blast and double blast! The thought came, and I knew it was true. The problem is that the offensive words were given for this particular reaction, I'm sure. I've said time and time again that reaction is everything. But the words spoken by this individual, to me, just proved the asinine and manipulative tendencies shown time and time again. That is neither here nor there. What and who doesn't matter at this point. What's important is the now and how to deal.

So what do I do? Turn to my scriptures, of course! Partially to actually find the reference that had been quoted in my mind.. (Doctrine and Covenants 63:10-11) But here's some other's that I found particularly helpful. Bear with me..

Matthew 18:21-22: How many times are we to forgive? 70x7. Obviously not the ACTUAL number.. and in my mind because if you really have a check list running of an individual that has wronged you 490 times, you've obviously got too much time on your hands, you're not actually forgiving them AND you're totally missing the point.. as seen in:

Luke 17:3-4: "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him: and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." I appreciate this one in particular. Especially since I make my own dastardly mistakes and want the same consideration.

Mosiah 26:31: gist is- forgive or be condemned. We had a great lesson on Sunday about our reasons why we obey laws/commandments, and so on. Love of God, fear of God, repercussions, humility, etc. Now, I don't think that at the end of the day I should forgive someone based only on the prize I might receive or potential burning. It's not particularly my way to go. But mostly because I am aware that I don't know all that I presume to know, and my judgments are based on a limited point of view. But I do have faith in God that He knows the individual and their true intents and can be a more fair judge than I could ever hope to be. Also, it's not any fun to be angry all the time. It's hard, it's draining.. and it sucks out my joy in existence. I know the feeling and it's not a place I want to be again.

And can I also say, now thinking about it, that my petty frustrations, because really they are petty, are nothing to my Savior who was betrayed, beaten and crucified and still asked forgiveness from His Father for those that did that to Him? (Luke 23:34) Holy smokes, I am audacious and prideful indeed.

There's also a really great talk by Elder Bednar from General Conferences past about being offended.. (check it out) It's not hurting anyone if I am offended by something. They have no idea! It's me just choosing to take offense over something stupid or a misunderstanding. I could let it roll off me. I have a great example of that. It's a journey and I just need to get my mind wrapped around the concept.

As I read these, I realized that, yes I need to forgive, repeatedly so it seems. More importantly I need that same forgiveness for being so rash in my anger. It's still hard. Obviously I've got a ways to go, and thinking of the faux pas today wasn't as painful as yesterday.. and so on. I'm not sure exactly what about this time here has gotten me so thoughtful and feel the need to write about it, but I feel the need again and again. Actually.. I think it's always been there, I am just giving myself the opportunity to write.

But hope exists..

2 Nephi 4: 26-30: (And I'm quoting my favorite bits..)

"why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow... Why am I angry because of mine enemy? Awake, my soul! No longer drooped in sin. Rejoice, O my heart and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. Do not anger again because of mine enemies... Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say; O Lord, I will praise thee forever."

I think this is my biggest flaw. My most acute weakness. No, it doesn't happen all the time, thank goodness. This is me at my darkest. And I'm appreciating the light at the end of the tunnel.

hope returns again on calming seas..

TWENTY SIX... I am 26. Tahwenty siiiiix. Huh. Sad. I liked being a quarter..

Here's what 25 looks like..

Here's what 26 looks like. I'm not seein' much of a difference.. You?

I made a "happy birthday, amanda" playlist today. Mostly to have a mix of tunes to listen to while I cleaned the house. Appearances by: The Format, Fun., The Classic Crime, Bayside, Spill Canvas, The Shins, Sara Bareilles, Alphabeat, Demi Lovato, Josie and the Pussycats, Styx, Airborne Toxic Event, The Wonders, Belinda Carlisle, Enter the Haggis, & Anberlin.. Mostly stuff I could dance around and clean to.. Because there was both. I'm such a dork, but it's so much fun. I might have to continue after I finish this.

I went to Hazardous Bluff today, which I have found to be one of my favorite places here. I've only been here like a week.. maybe going on 2.. But I think I can say that. And it's 4 miles from my house. SCORE! It was the most beautiful day, but don't be deceived. It WAS cold! I sat for a time and pondered the universe, my existence and whether or not little Amanda who was born 26 years ago would have approved of what I've done and the life I've led. Obviously nothing is perfect, and there are things that could have been handled differently, but I think she'd be okay with it. I've got an awesome family, the best friends, good tunes, and have traveled more than I ever anticipated. I think that's pretty spectacular.

It was a beautiful greeting...

After my adventures of the hazardous variety, I went and got Pickles.. which is this sandwich shop to put all others to shame. I'm a sandwich person, it's true.. This is a work of art and genius. I have been humbled by their greatness. If you ever come to see me, you will go here. Deception Pass, obviously a must, but you have GOT to taste these sandwiches. It's what true happiness tastes like.

(It really cracks me up how picture happy I've gotten.. I think it might be because I have to capture these moments and things I see.. because I've got no one else seeing them with me.)

And with that, I bid you adieu.

I had a dream once, ages ago it seems now, and in it was a little girl around 2-3 years old. She had a round face and hauntingly gray eyes that trapped me in an instant. Her dark curly hair hung down past her shoulders. It was frizzy and unkempt from hours of running outside and playing dinosaurs without any concern of appearance. She would impatiently brush it from her eyes and continue her games, squinching up her face to roar. The curl of her hair demanded their presence to be known with those perfect curls that you couldn't help but reach out and pull it taught, just to see it bounce back to its original form. She was joyous and bright. Maddie, my little sunshine. She was beautiful and she was mine.

There were more parts to this dream, and they're a tad wonky and pointless to this event, but I have to write this out because it's capturing my attention... I speak of this because last night I went to a "girls night" at a friend of my moms. (Which means that the other 4 women there were easily twice my age and the three kids running around were under the age of 6.) The numbers diminished and while the remaining ladies talked, I played with the little girl that was left-- Lindy, 4 years old, and an almost exact replica of my dream Maddie from a couple years ago. Slight differences in the nose, and Lindy has these intense green eyes and obviously had a little Isbell missing from the mix.. But it was there. I honestly had to stop on occasion and shake my head to make sure I wasn't imagining. It was definitely surreal and somewhat shocking. I met this little girl a few months ago on a past visit to Washington. While I was struck by the familiarity of her appearance, it didn't quite capture me until I played with her last night and saw her face light up and her hair dance behind her as she played.

I left Kj at the airport on Tuesday morning. My link to reality left on a noon flight to Utah. Soon Mom will be gone too and I feel like I am left alone on an island oasis with nothing but time... and plans. Oh the plans I've made. Not anything huge, but with the realization that I need to reconfigure my senses. (starting to sing song here.. silently.. to myself..) What better place than Washington? It's only been a couple days. I feel like a portion of me is lost in the newness of it all. It's hilarious to me the hatred I have for change, and yet I force it upon myself on so many occasions. Yes, they usually turn out okay. Not sure that Ogden was the best choice, but everything else has been okay. BUT!

I've been making a list in my head of things that make me grin like a fool:

-Books/Libraries/Bookstores: there was a moment when I was in Dublin on my British Literary Tour (BLT) that we went to Trinity College and saw the Book of Kells. On our way out, we passed through this doorway that I honestly assumed would be a gift shop or something. Yea, wrong... It was the rightly named, "Long Room." It seemed to go on for ages, with a high arched ceiling, and shelves upon shelves of books. I remember a spiral staircase to my left (i love these) and stopping while classmates filed around me to continue through. "Holy books, Batman." (yes, I did say that.) I had no idea what each book contained, but I know that they had to number into the millions. If I could have touched them, I would have. I continued going through this hallowed hall of information, sad to leave, and engraving this in my memory. Obviously this doesn't happen with every bookstore or library I enter, but there's always a moment that I have to stop and take in the sight before I jump into realms of possibility.

-Shows (meaning going and seeing my favorite bands play. Derek told me once that it's not a "concert" if there isn't assigned seating. We call them "shows."): There are those few people that have experienced my ridiculousness that ensues and the joy on my face when I'm there.. with the band, singing along with them. It's a high that takes a while to come down from. When I went and saw TCC with Bekki, it may or may not have taken a couple months. We're ridiculous and I love it. Last year I got to see Bayside, TCC, Spill Canvas, Sara Bareilles and a few others, but those were my tops

-Ferry boats: The biting cold and sea air on my face. Really great moments of reflection and excite the senses. I would ride back and forth just for that joy, if I could. I hope I never get sick of it. Although I could do without the seagulls. For some reason I have this ridiculous concern that they're taking aim to poop on passengers below. It would only be logical. Those small wins would be all they need. No, I've never been pooped on by a bird.

-Architecture: I spent a lot of time on the BLT going from cathedral to cathedral. Not gonna lie, it got a little daunting after a month of this, but holy smokes, I love buildings. Bridges too. Great architectural feats. I am in awe of their wonder, and the people that designed them.

-Thunderstorms: Sierra Vista, where I grew up, had some of the best monsoons I have ever known. Tons of rain pouring from the heavens, with a sky full of lightning and thunder booming.. I remember getting so excited and rushing to the sliding glass window to see, only to be thwarted by concerned parents and the possibility of lightning busting through the house. Also Dad's voice counting one-one thousand... two-one thousand; to figure out how far away it was. I haven't had a good storm since 2002.

-Jamming in the car: I don't understand how people remain so stationary while they drive. Particularly when by themselves. My confusion might come from my insistence on using that personal alone time to crank up my music and jam out to my good tunes and my ridiculous ones that I would never inflict on another human being, besides Christine. (example-Camp Rock) I'm always concerned about neighbors or roommates when at home, but in my car it's all mine. If my tunes happen to seep out of my car, which is a distinct possibility due to the volume, it doesn't matter because everyone else is in their vehicles. Potentially laughing at the girl singing at the top of her lungs at something they can't here, but hey... she's having a blast.

Which leads me to-Particular songs that also cause this joy:

The Coldest Heart by The Classic Crime

Hey Soul Sister by Train (yup. still gets me.. even now, DAYS later..)

Stand Out from A Goofy Movie (hello my childhood 101!!)

10,000 Nights by Alphabeat

Jump for my Love by The Pointer Sisters

(I'm sure there's more, but that's all I've got for now)

26 in one week. That does NOT make me smile by any means. I like being a quarter.