For the love!!

So I've been thinking.. On this Sabbath day.. on this Easter Sunday.. The sun is shining and the sky is blue without a cloud in the sky. This is a pretty big deal in Seattle, let me tell you what. Obviously there's been a lot of thought this weekend about the Savior.. About His sacrifice and of the resurrection and the atonement. These are things I believe- things I know. And at this moment in particular, the thing that is on my mind is my Father in heaven who came up with this plan. The ultimate sacrifice for the ultimate redemption. 

All the statistics and factoids in the world won't change my opinion on this, and I'll tell you why- with an intro on... 

my parents. Have I told you about them? 

I don't feel like I got to know my dad well enough. Really, by the age of thirteen who really knows much about their parents besides the ways to bug them or avoid what they ask of us. Usually successfully. Mind, I hadn't reached the age yet of being ornery to my dad, so we had a pretty good thing going. My dad usually followed through on his threats to my brothers of slamming their heads together and based on what I know of my brothers, they probably deserved it at the time. I was only thirteen when my dad passed away, but what I do know is my dads absolute love for me. I knew it from the way he'd greet me when he came home. The biggest hug and that moment that he'd ask, almost everyday; 'have I told you today how much I love you?' I of course would respond with the appropriate answer, and he'd tell me he loved me either way. Always. 

I'm sure some of you that are reading this have met my mom. My lovely and wonderful mom. She's honestly the nicest person and is always willing to help and forgive/forget the garbage that I come up with. No hidden agenda. It's honestly astounding to me. I get a clean slate with her regularly. I can see in her that desire and need for her children to be happy. That's honestly all she wants. Nothing more. She doesn't have any ulterior motive. She has seen the gospel of Jesus Christ work in her life and she wants that for us. It's like that whole tunnel vision I know I have. I think she has a bit of a better view than I do, so I should trust more in her sights than my own. Maybe a little.. 

Now returning to my original frame of thought, this is what I know... I know that I have a Father in heaven that loves me. I know of His forgiveness and I know of His love. I see it in the beauty of the world around me... I see it in His plan and the sacrifice of His son. And more personally, I know of His love, His forgiveness, and His desire for me to be happy. I see Him through the example of my parents. 

glutton for punishment

WHAT THE HECK IN THE WORLD, AMANDA!?! 

Why in the WORLD do I go to places that I am already aware I'm going to be uncomfortable.
(answer.. trying to be social and/or think i'll only stay a minute.. false..)

Yes, Amanda.. You absolutely dropped yourself in a house of people tonight with a bunch of people you dont know.. and co-workers... it was their house.

But as much as I really like my co-workers and I do consider them friends... I still squinch my eyes and tilt my head and add "friends---ish?" A year later and I'm just a loon. Besides the fact that their conversations returned to: can you guess? Sports and booze. Two things I show no interest in. And then! I was kinda cold, so I was doing the whole crossed arms, clenching jaw thing that I forget makes me look like I'm ticked.. I'm not..

Really nice people. I dont know why I can't speak. I'm not a people person. (..ish?) That's a false statement. I'm a mix of my parents. My mom is uber social. Friendly and chipper. My dad was a bit more reserved. Friendly, but kept to his smaller circle of friends. I can be friendly and annoyingly chipper, but really like to keep things smaller if I want to actually converse.

I kind of did that last night though.. at my own shindig. Ha. It was great! Good turn out and fun stuff.. But I just hit the point of being done. I don't know what to do with myself. So obviously this is a me thing...

(aaaahhhh.... amanda! unclench jaw! ouch) '

but hey.. all in all.. good day. ;)

Bus thoughts

1 bus is awesome. 2 buses is normal travel. 3 seems completely outrageous. I'm glad that I'm not alone in this.

Why is it my natural inclination is just to hug people. I just can't get enough. Mostly because more often than not, I refrain from hugging the brotherly figures that populate my workplace . I feel like it might be too much for them.

There was a girl on the bus today yammering on about who knows what, chomping down on her bag of tortilla chips. Crunched up soggy bits sat on her tongue as she continued yelling and chomping. I refrained from laughing/gaping in horror.

I like being called kiddo. It makes me miss my brothers. Wait. But Not by everyone

I have rules that I live by. This doesn't come from being Mormon. It comes from being me. While it occasionally walks hand in hand, don't confuse the two. I'm Mormon and peculiar- but Amanda's in a league of her own. ;)

my finger tips are dry from too much stickering.

My natural inclination is to go defensive and threaten. I have little follow through on this.

Sometimes I get shooting pains up my spine. The wind has changed and they are coming. It's like electric shock. None fun.

I love looking around on the bus and seeing a bunch of people reading.

Note, there's also something insanely attractive about seeing a guy reading. Shoot-dang

I occasionally get little reminders that I live in Seattle. My heart palpitates and I smile to myself that I'm actually here. Then laugh because I've lived here a year.

the nemesis/true villain of this particular story

which is REALLY worse in this particular situation. . .

girl (not me) gives a very ridiculous blanketed remark in regard to the entire state of idaho and it's residents.

exhibit A: sits silently reading the paper, generally in situations such as these, he'll keep silent. the kicker is when she is gone and he has no problem voicing his opinion and her ridiculous commentary and/or behavior.

exhibit B: calls her on her crap outright and in his own unconventional way, tries to get her to realize that calling ALL the residents of idaho 'libertarian a-holes' is completely ridiculous and out of line. goal- is actually to assist speaker to not feel the need to fill the silence with nonsensical jabber. he generally comes across as mean. he's actually trying to be helpful in his own way. what SHE doesn't know, is that he will also be the one that sticks up for her tomorrow.

exhibit a: she considers to be more of a friend. he's friendly and only occasionally blows a gasket at her.

exhibit b: she considers the villain. exhibit b wont care either way

IT'S OVER!

I have these moments- they started when I worked at the inn.. I would be so tired of the drama of some people or on those particular days of stupid filthy guests, I would think (or say); if I was a drinking person, this day would drive me to drink!!

Thankfully, I'm not a drinking person. And I tend to exaggerate on most things. but shoot-dang, the week I've had, i came back to my little catch phrase. I don't feel the need to get into it but I just wanted it over and done with... And there was no way of making it go any faster. There was so much to do and little time. And I didn't want to go. Gosh. This makes no sense.

Readers digest version- there was an annual YSA ball- and I got put on point person to decorate it. I didn't want to. I did it grudgingly. Thankfully I have a clever creative roommate who saved me, but still. She came up with the idea. I helped with the follow through and a lot of set up.

I didn't go to the dance. I went to the roller derby instead. I'm told it went over nicely.

Whateves. I'm out.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!