My Quan-a-rama

I was being a goob and I spread out my arms and exclaimed "embrace me!" I held on tight to my little 11 year old nephew- he is still little. He wrapped his arms around me while I kissed his head, he said; "I love you to heaven and back."

There have been a few moments like this.. That I will be sitting there and he will just hold my hand. He will sit with me. He will exclaim his joy when I sit by him for dinner.. And he seemed more than eager when I suggested he come jump on me in the morning to wake me up before he left for school.

Oh, my Quan-a-rama. I love this boy. I am so glad that I get this break from reality to be here and repeatedly tell him how wonderful he is. He has a fiery temper, steam is occasionally billowing from his ears.. but he has a tender heart and his love is all encompassing. What a sweetheart. What a joy.

Pics from phone

BTW - IN ARIZONA!

Brenden is a giant. As you could possibly see, I tried to make him shrink, either that or stand up straight so we could see his giant-ess nature. He's 14. He hasn't stopped growing. Come to find, he loves to bake and gives excellent back scratches.

Cassidy is hilarious and getting more and more ridiculous.

Bekki found Dad's name badge somewhere and has it at her house. He's just the best.

Brenden suggested having a "traditional English dinner" to celebrate my future travels to England. We had a roast, potatoes, carrots (didn't eat those..), yorkshire pudding and for dessert a trifle. (Kaylie and I made that.) This photo is the remnants of the trifle.

On flight to AZ. What are those big cracks in the Earth?

Arizona sunsets are amazing. Better through a cleaner window..

Gah-rowse

Oh look, they're communicating!

There is something so frustrating and obnoxious about the human condition and the lack of communication that comes with it. While I have been FIRST thinking and dwelling with my relationships with men, this can be with anyone.
Don't want to breach an awkward subject...
Don't want to hurt someones feelings, when sometimes in the long run it just makes things worse.
etc.
I have been trying to be more honest and forthright when it comes to certain things, because I am sick of attempting to dance around a subject. (I don't attempt to dance around the subject, it just ends up happening.)

So this actually stems from something I've been thinking about, having been stuck in my own brain and reading/watching too much. Let me tell you- I am a sucker for a good romance. We will use The Office for an example. (I've been listening to blurbs) You have Jim and Pam who have been friends for a while, and speaking as an objective third person party outside with absolutely no interest in the matter-- we can totally see that they are really keen on each other. I remember getting so frustrated at how clearly obvious it was. Why-can't-you-just-say-what-you-MEAN!! They could have gotten together so much sooner. We all knew it was going to happen.

It's so frustrating.

And I've come to realize.. it's so real. (again, my example was dramatized but still.)

I find myself in these random situations on occasion that I'm really keen on a gent, but HEAVEN FORBID he actually KNOW about it.. Cause that might make things terribly awkward.. What if it wrecks everything. I want our friendship to remain intact! And I don't want to put my heart on my sleeve and have it smacked aside with piteous look. Ugh.

But then there is that nagging feeling in the back of my head..
What if it is like one of those situations, the dance is happening and I just need to end it and say what I'm thinking!
What if I just bite the bullet and told him.
"Matter of fact, I like you..." Bam-done.
I mean.. at least it's out of the way and I'm not left wondering. Right? At which point I can get over it.. This works in theory. But what if he likes me, too?
Those blasted what-ifs.
Although I have done this before. Generally when I was too far away for anything to come from it. It was a weird, "haha, btw... " moment. Gosh, I'm a weirdo.
(Friend Zone) 

And then there is the present stupid circumstances of, wow I like so and so.. But I'm leaving. There's not point in attempting that. I was talking to a buddy of mine and he asked me if there was anyone I was interested in.. To avoid the subject, I just said it didn't matter, cause I was moving anyway. Which is true, but it was still a way to strategically avoid the subject- get him to answer without me divulging.

I'm going to bed.

-A

Goodbye, my Emily

I have a beautiful, wonderful, amazing friend. And she has left me today.

 I feel like we have always been friends but it's been in the last few months that that friendship has been cemented. 

She has been a light in my life and a joy to have around. I admire her a lot and considering she is 9 years my junior, it's hilarious to me that we are such good friends. 

No, she's not dying. 

She is returning home and then going out to go on a mission. 

And I will miss her terribly.

I don't have the words at the moment to express anything, really. Just acknowledgment of her being gone as of an hour ago. 

Yes, I will see her in June as I travel down through Nevada, but it's still that goodbye that I hate so much. 

Yes, there is modern technology that keep people connected, even when far away. 

But I'm a selfish human being. I want those who are near and dear close by. 

(Says the girl that is moving..) 

Oh, my dear Emily. It is an honor and privilege to call you friend. To have you in my life. 

You will do so much good in this world and work wonders.

I miss you already.

 As these days draw to a close, of her departure and the coming of mine, I am reminded of these amazing people I have met in Seattle and how grateful I am.

I thank God everyday for their presence and influence in my life. 

But typical me. Don't know how good it is until it's gone.