A barrel of laughter followed at me as I left the room-

pleasant memories of times with my siblings came crashing down as I hear Bek, Kaylie and some damn neighbor unknowingly laugh at my ignorance and laugh at my sadness.

i hear bek's voice, present day.
"Tell Kaylie there's hope for her and her sister to be friends- we're friends."
"I thought we had always been friends."
She just looked at me- "not always, i kind of thought you were annoying... you just always followed me around..."

Yep- that's cause I thought you were the coolest.
I had wanted to be just-like-you-always.

Derek's voice from the week before.
"I didn't even like you till you were older--" *i cant remember the time frame he gave.

Again, another person I loved, admired and thought was pretty awesome-- besides the fact he threatened me regularly.

I literally had no idea- all my life - that I had been such an annoying little sister until this last week. I knew i had done stuff to bug them cause they like to rehash it-- but...
i didn't know.

Then there was that other awesome moment of Jared suggesting that I would be bringing someone to the next family reunion. James, I think he called him.
The hope in my mothers eyes will be the death of me.
"We really got her, didn't we?" he said to me later.
He has no idea what he'd done.

I have never felt so so alone till today.

family... how delightful.