Comparison is the thief of joy

I joked the other day with my sister about my friend Morgan being more of an adult than I am. She has a house and great job with steady income- and a juicer that she was going to give to me. Disregarding some of the things in her personal life, that to me is what adulting looked like.

And Bekki jumped on my case. Not so extreme but she reminded me that what I was doing right here and now.. That was what being an adult looked like for Amanda. That if I had had the house and the juicer, I wouldn't have been able to move to London. I wouldn't have been able to do a lot of the things I have done had I been tied down to house and juicer.

I watched this really great video recently about the BS people put on social media to show how great their life is. The behind the scenes of the perfect pictures. Actually, I'm going to link it. I think it's actually pretty powerful how it shows the perfect lives that people claim to have are what we think our lives need to be. Social media is really doing a number. But I was looking at a friend instagram and everything is so precise and so perfect. It's actually annoying and I don't trust it. Disregarding the fact that shes apparently a blogger now and everything needs to look just-so.

And then I look at my instagram. Which as of right now has 2,928 posts. It's become more of a journal of my adventures rather than a public posting ground. I don't have it open to the general public, so I'm not concerned about hashtags or getting people to follow me or likes. I have never thinned myself out for a picture (because there is a legit app for that. Jess has one and I find it appalling to be perfectly frank.)
But I think there is truth through the thousands of posts. Nothing is perfect. Every random thing I have done and loved and been excited about in the last few years in documented. Obviously it's all good things posted.. A rare moment of consternation and fury is probably expressed... It's all me. It's real.

Although- I wonder if it looks like I have a better life than I do. I wonder what is expressed when I post these things. I wonder who is watching.