Last year I went back to Seattle 4 times. That's a lot, really. But I remember going around on the public transit and being up at Kerry Park and having a distinct feeling that this chapter was done. Seattle was done for me. And I was comforted by this because I had had a firm confirmation that I should go to Utah. (in Oct 2015) I ran with it. Nothing has gone according to plan. Although I am grateful to have had almost a constant flow of work and always had a roof over my head.
One of my friends, Tom actually, as a joke mentioned that he had a spare room in Seattle and that I could just live with him. I don't know what happened but since then, my obsession with going back to Seattle has GROWN exponentially- exploded. Obviously not about living with Tom -that's weird- but I guess I am more annoyed with Utah and it's winter and snow and there is something about Seattle that keeps calling me home. I miss the sea and tempered climates. I already have 2 trips planned for this year to go to Seattle and refraining from making more.
I talked to Krista last night and I told her about this draw I now have to return to Seattle. She said it reminded her of a friend that was now in Seattle because she felt she had to be there, and it ended up being a really good thing, but she desperately wants to return "home" (DC). Krista thinks her time is coming to an end and she'll return this year. I feel like I can relate. The problem is, is that I wont go back until I have some prospect of a proper job. Seattle is expensive and I won't do a warehouse kind of thing again. Krista kind of emphasized that maybe this isn't wrong. Maybe it was wrong then and right now. Or nearly now.
Here is the thing.
Would I be going for the right reasons?
If I go back does it mean going backwards?
Will I get stuck reverting back to my old friends and rely on them and be the Amanda that was rather than the Amanda I am.
Who is that, anyway?
No comments:
Post a Comment