Here is a truth.. I haven't thought about it. I have been so stressed about everything else that I haven't allowed myself that. I also don't know if I have fully comprehended it.
I am leaving to London?!
Whhhutttt-uh!? (That's how it sounds when I say it..)
Truth.. I also keep expecting a rug to be pulled out from under me.. I have been planning this for so long, it seems just as plausible for the curtain to be ripped aside to find a fake wizard cackling at my plans.
"Just kidding, Amanda.. You're 'WARE-HOW-SAH' until the end of time."
I see myself having to admit to everyone that it just didn't pan out. My eyes downcast, embarrassed by this turn of events. My pride would not allow for it. I can see it though..
So today is my last day at work. In not that long, I will be saying my farewells to these people that I have grown to love. They're solid people. That's neither here nor there. It's just another stab and twist in this whole departure.
And to return to Arizona. I am super pumped to see my family, don't get me wrong. It's just.. Arizona. In the summer.. In July. I'm not excited to leave Seattle when it's the best time of year. I'm not excited to leave these people that I spend so much time with. I'm not sure will end up hurting more.. The fact that I am spending more time with them, so so much more time, and then to have that completely ripped from me.. cold turkey.. Or leaving at all.
I am a glutton for punishment. A glutton. I am doing this to myself. On so many levels.
A dear friend once referred to me as his confidant. I loved that role. I loved being that for him. I appreciated how open he was to speaking to me about everything. I continue to take this role with various friends. But it takes its toll.
This turned into a downer. I am going to bed. Work and such. Need to leave in 7 hours.
Currently reading "The Killing Floor" by Lee Child.
No comments:
Post a Comment