I have come to the conclusion that:

1. I can go from normal to crazy in less than 2.2 seconds. Which may also include a constant state of guilt complex, foot-in-mouth and underlying irritation. There must be drugs out there somewhere for Amanda-itis. Although, it's not as bad when people know me.. hmm.

2. I'm not sure what the second one is at the moment, we'll get to that, maybe. But I have been considering a few things about my departure from Utah.

You know how everyone claims that they HATE goodbyes? Totally logical. Definitely agree. But I find them necessary. I would much rather have a really good goodbye rather than a lingering "see you later." It's like a really bad hug. Those suckers just linger till it's rectified, and I find it SO annoying. (So what, I have a lot of analogies for hugs. I used to be a hugger. Like hugging complete strangers at girls camp. But I was 12 and rather silly. Still huggy-ish, but that's neither here nor there.) I'm still okay with the-see you later- bit of it all, but I need the farewell. This may be due to other factors of my existence; i.e. death. I find when I read the scriptures I always grow attached to their farewells, to which there are a few. For example-

Moroni 10:34. "And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen."

BAM! Check it out! I love it. Now, I know that I'll see my friends again, and heck, we live in a modern time with telephones and internet.. Like shoot, dang. It's easy cheesy lemon squeezy! (bahahaa) But! I think the hardest thing for me is not being able to see people when I want to. It's such a downer. It's fine, I'm fine.. I'm happy... I'm fine..

I've gotten some really great input from friends about my anxiety over departure.

1. Realizing that if it doesn't work out, I can always come back. And that's totally cool. I have some pretty rockin' awesome people here, it's true. It's not like Utah is going anywhere, although it's not the state that catches my attention to remain but the friends.

2. If this was totally off, I would get that 2x4. And because I am not in a spiritual concussion, it's okay.

Q. Change... ah love it and hate it. There's no winning there, really. But it's oh so necessary.

7. Stupor-complete shut down, Anxiety-just dithering. (umm. YES. Totally dithering! Common state of existence! I swear. ugh)

b. From Elder Bednar talk via Danielle: "The most demanding judgements we ever make are seldom between good or bad or between attractive and unattractive alternatives. Usually, our toughest choices are between good and good.... you and I also might identify at various times in our lives more than one acceptable opportunity or option that we could choose to pursue. We should remember this pattern from the scriptures as we approach such important decisions. If we put essential things first in our lives......than we will be blessed with inspiration and strong judgement as we pursue the path that leads us back to our heavenly home. If we put essential things first, we "cannot go amiss.""

Which now, come to think of it, this was roughly something that my bishop in AZ told me prior to moving up to Utah... hmm. Well played, sir.. Well played.

22. Seattle! Washington! hellllllloooo! for heaven sake, quit your wiggin.

And thankfully, I'm not making the trek alone. I'm not sure if I would handle it half as well if I were to drive up there by myself. *sigh*

In other news, we're doing Thirsty Thursday tonight. I'm so excited to see people. As much as I claim hermit status, I need people interaction and conversation. My craziness level might shoot up due to too much alone time.

I'm down to a week. I am satisfied with my decision. I am anticipating and excited. What totally cracks me up about this is my mom's gonna be gone for 2 weeks after I get there... Oh those poor neighbors, you will love The Classic Crime too before I'm done with you. (maniacal laughter)

I'm glad for my time here. I wonder what's next as I step off into the nothingness that I find before me. A leap of faith, so to speak... Thanks Indy.

"I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell." 2 nephi 33:6

And before I blather on in excess, I will end. A farewell, so to speak. (ha. lie.)