There is a fine line between my own madness and my own realm on sanity.
I'm getting a little ahead of myself. So I'm in a black abyss of the unknown right now. I don't have a job or any potential one. I don't regret the one I just quit because that was wrecking me. Adding in the student loans that loom over me monthly and car payment. But let's add a little bit more to this level of chaos...
My periods are lasting 2 weeks. In the midst of getting that worked out I find out I have non cancerous tumors on my uterus. "fibroids" Sounds like fun. Then I find out that the surgery that the doctor said I didn't have to have right away.. I should probably have right away... because the two week menstruation is going to continue until they're gone.
Oh and that is probably going to cost at least 12 grand. And that's an optimistic sum. Did I mention my lack of health insurance? Did I mention the potential recovery time is probably at least a month? So why in the world would I want to start a new job and then potentially have surgery. Either that or two week periods. Gosh that sounds amazing. Really a win win for both situations.
Next option. Go to the UK and have the surgery. Recover there. It would probably cost about the same. Right? I'll just pretend to distract me from this.
So I'm sad and hormonal and perturbed and already have hurt feelings over trivial things. And I come home and Christine's boyfriend is here. Fantastic. I'm annoyed. He doesn't acknowledge my presence. My annoyance deepens. This is what always happens. So I choose to disregard them both.
I really can be wretched. I also thought I couldn't be mean to people I actually disliked. I can. It's weird.
My rational side that declares: Amanda, you're being dumb.
My weepy side wishes the damn fool wasn't there so I could talk to my friend.
Alas. Due to previous behavior, she'll probably avoid me and wait till I get over my childishness.
Gosh I wish he'd go away.
1 comment:
:(
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