Let me tell you why

I am a CRAZY PERSON!!!

In a regular course of conversation that I have I will be point blank when I say that I am a paranoid crazy person. It has gotten better since living in Seattle. I think my paranoia just reacts better to the city rather than the the country. When I was in SV, which is not really "country" but small town-ish-ness, my fear and paranoia came back in a mad flood.

But here is something random and ridiculous that I have come to notice.

1. I don't like when people are walking behind me. Obviously in a city, especially of this size, there is always going to be someone.. But there have been moments on the way to somewhere when there is a lone stranger walking a little ways behind and no one else. I have a minor panic and veer off to the side to let them pass, digging in my bag while keeping an eye on them. Once they pass. I wait a few seconds and continue on my journey. This happens on occasion on my way home at night.

2. When I go into a restroom and someone is fiddling with their stall door to come out, I will swiftly move towards a stall and enter before they come out.. To prevent myself from being seen.
Why?
No idea.

3. Stairs. Stairs are creepy. I think this helps because of a story Liza told of when she was a missionary in Russia about a drunk man chasing her up the stairs to her apartment. There was a moment when I was at Outdoor Research heading out for lunch and taking the stairs down to the street. From several floors above I heard this click-clack of heels descending the stairs. The pattern of sound was consistent and seemed to be getting closer. There is that feeling that I have read described in stories.. Like a hang gripping your heart as fear floods through you. I raced down the stairs and burst out onto the street. I continued to walk swiftly away from OR but keeping an eye behind me to see who had been coming. While at the same time reprimanding myself for my ridiculousness and how irrational it all was. Because it was completely irrational. I heard the door open from a ways back, only to see one of the other OR employees.
So now, here. I have moments on stairs. Doesn't matter where.. School, church, whatever... That inkling remains.

Another irrational moment..
So I went to Ireland this last weekend. It was very exciting and awesome. The friend that I was staying with was house-sitting and the family had specific rules about various things. One was closing all the blinds and curtains when it got dark. Whatever. That's fine. But I didn't want to close my blinds. I had this lovely field and irish mountain behind me. I had a romantic notion about the sun rising over the mountain into my window.
And then I turned out the lights and saw the outline of it in the distance. AND MY NEXT CONSCIOUS THOUGHT - AS A TWENTY NINE YEAR OLD WOMAN WAS-
Oh my gosh... If I leave the curtain open the faeries will get me.
What.
The faeries.
I was in Ireland after all..
Not leprechauns.
It was faeries.

This is both amusing and completely ridiculous.