Rando's Tribute to her Top Dudes

My friend German was home stuck on the couch a couple weeks ago because of a back problem/pinched nerve. Out of my own amusement, I gave him my blog.

"There better be something about me," he said. .

"Sorry, if you are, it's never by name."

Which is when I realized that I am so odd when I tell stories.. Some people remain nameless. Some people get the intro of "my friend __" or "buddy." It has nothing to do with anonymity. It's because it is very passive. I am vague and weird about putting their names in print. Maybe by naming them it is giving ammunition for teasing? It's sad and weird the scarring of the young.

My brain, I swear.. It's better not for public viewing.

Due to awkward / stages of Amanda-crazy in early years, I was always weird about having guy friends. I just didn't. So it's a really big deal now, in the last decade or so, that I've had some fantastic guy friends. Thankfully, the crazy has lessened. (This is the lessened version) 

I love these men of my current acquaintance. They're really a bunch of goobs that I love and hate at the same time. (not real hate, just the mock exasperated kind)
*love to hate you by erasure is currently playing in my head.
And while I tell these moments, know that I spend way too much time with them and they're just some of my favorite people. I will miss them when I am gone. This last week was a huge moment of realization that absence does make the heart grow fonder. And it was pretty fond already.
 

So- top dudes.

German started this thing ages ago where he would hug me a long time. I made a deal with the devil one day. At some point I will regret it. I'm not sure if is his particular love of hugs, my departure or him just trying to make me uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just better to accept peoples quirks then to fight against it. But now, Scott will come from behind and put his arms around the both of us. Then Josh started to move in on the side. It's completely absurd. At this point I am trying to climb out of this ridiculousness and German will release me and demand-

Amanda! Why is your face so red!
Well-duh. Of-course-my-face-is-red!! 

This is especially awkward when it happens before/after Sacrament Meeting. Yipes.

I went over there last night and I hadn't seen them in over a week. This sandwich-hug happened at least 3 times in 10 minutes. I went back and forth between declaring how much they suck, then expressing how much I missed them.

Unfortunately for German, my subconscious has chosen him for me to word vomit all over. And when I say word vomit, I actually mean tell him all my secrets- word vomit. This is good for him, terrible for me. I can almost trust him I think. I should have decided this before I told him so-much-information that he could/would/does hold against me. Oyvey

He gave me some advice once when it came to dating and such. 

1- don't punch

2- flirt more 

3- show more leg

(Eye roll here. Such a goob)

I am also under the impression that he has super powers. There have been times that I am royally pissed at him. I've wanted to exclaim- I'm done! (He has his moments) and then we cross paths and somehow there is a brain fog and I forget. Until he leaves, the fog lifts and I'm standing there wondering why I let him get away with that asinine remark.

And while I say this, I am always impressed in those moments that I need help. I need a blessing, and he flips a switch from being a total punk to being willing to be there for me. 

Chris! I made this ridiculous card for this house for Valentines Day. Each square was a stick figure drawing of ME and my reaction to them.. Because they all effected me in the most ridiculous ways. Chris' was passive and said-basically.. "I don't know what your power is, but I'm keeping my distance.." with large trees, and a little me waving in the distance. It was thoroughly amusing.

I found out what he was. He is the little brother I never wanted. (Sorry, Soren. You're still on my list.) For whatever reason, i just want to pick on him. Tease and fight. Random games I played with Derek (mostly punching games) I brought out and challenged Chris to them. He agreed full-heartedly. He came up to me during a linger longer and I can't remember if he punched me in the arm or what, "dude.." All he said was, "what? you're my sister." It was a non-issue. Statement of fact. 

I have known Chris a while, and it's one of those things that in the last 6 months we've become better friends. I came into the institute one day and decided to pester him, cause it's what I do. An obligation, almost. In various conversation on girls, dating and school that followed, the subject of my departure was brought up. He was looking down at his computer and he told me "you know, we will miss you when you leave." This surprised me coming from him. I didn't realize. And in standard Amanda-ness, I made some weak remark about him forgetting me when I was gone. To which he looked up at me, "I didn't forget Tessa." Well, knock me over with a feather. That's the highest praise he could give me. I know Tessa. That's high praise.

Brian Doctorwho is how he is listed in my phone. He came over for home teaching. Bro Lohse went to fix the sink. Brian and I talked about doctor who. It was a good beginning. That is neither here not there. 

First things you must know about Brian is that:

 1- he looks like an older version of Calvin from the comic strip. 

And 2! He is an uber romantic at heart. 

It was funny that initial meeting of this gent that Julia had kind of started dating. I knew at that moment that they would get married. (They're engaged now and I took their pictures.). Somehow in those brief moments we bypassed the pleasantries and normal social graces into me having solid conversations. Usually via text. Him helping me and vise versa. 

It wasn't until very much later that I knew nothing of his family, food preferences, or other things I feel are normally weeded out in those first few meetings. 

It seems that I generally have solid car conversations, because there was one day Brian was taking me home. I was panicked about my choice to move. I'd been panicked for some time and I had been completely unable to shake it. He gave me some really great insights that I hadn't considered. It wa exactly what I needed. I left, then texted Julia, congratulating her that she had found a good one. 

He moved to Texas to work this summer. I miss having him around. Thank goodness for modern technology. 

Oh, Josh. I had this ridiculous fear of him for a good 2 years. He's just a solid (as our ledges) kind of gent. When he speaks in church, I have been spiritually moved. My favorite days are when he is teaching Sunday School. But still I feared him. I was intimidated by his awesomeness. I am always intimidated upon meeting someone but generally get over it. I was sure he could see my every flaw. Eyes being windows to the soul, so they say.

He also works for Google and can't talk about work so small talk with him is the worst.
Me- How are you?
Him-Good.
Me- How was work.
Him- Great. It's always great.
End scene. 

Im pretty sure we had this exact conversation yesterday. But I have to start somewhere. 

In my overactive imagination I decided he was a spy. I told him of this. He looked at me like I had three heads. I went to DC and ended up at the International Spy Museum and found a dollar sticker that said SPY. I just had to give it to him. It was like a joke that he didn't even understand. Again, he looked at me like I had three heads.
Goodness gracious, man! Be amused.

One day something changed. We (krista, trisha, josh, and I) were all coming back from a bad FHE and to dispel awkwardness I turned on.. A Goofy Movie soundtrack. He commented on Powerline. I knew we would be friends from then on. I jammed. 

Krista commented that I don't normally do this. Cause I don't. I save these moments for dear and close friends who will either jam with me or accept my ridiculousness.

The next day he gave me a ride home and I felt inclined to tell him that he was "in." My subconscious had flipped a switch and I told him I used to fear him. (Why in the world would I tell him this!?) I did. It was a hilarious conversation. My voice was shaking. He scoffed and chuckled.

It's funny now to think of then. 

Wow.. That's a lot about josh.

Scott- oyvey

I met him last summer and everything was fine. Then he returned to Seattle- I was talking to friends and he came up from behind and put his arms around my shoulders. I looked down and once acknowledged who it was- my face went beet red. W-T-Q 

And it continued.

 I'd talk to him- I'd get red face.

We would make eye contact- red face (to which he would exclaim, "I didn't do anything!")

He'd catch me smirking or anything- red face

This continued for months. It became a game. A joke to him and his apartment. A horror to me.. I thought my face was a confession. (This was not the case)  I was mortified. Ugh. The joke prevails. But thankfully, I can have a conversation without going various hues. It's just those sandwich hugs that get me. 

But come to find, Scott is my kind of nerd. We were meant to be friends. From movies, MST3K, Firefly, invader zim, tunes, isms, etc. 

He just needs to accept it.

If I wrote anything on Scott, I have to add that he's very.. "Friendly" . Which actually translates into him being a perpetual flirt. With eve-er-ee-one. (Pshah) I also think his version of being nice could also be misconstrued. 

Unfortunately, I may have been overly judgemental of him on this. I had the notion that he was just leading these girls on, building his fan base. But he really isn't the type. 

Things that amuse about Scott- 

-That he calls me Rando.

-He told me once he was going to name his firstborn after me. Boy or girl. 

-He has the largest hands. Large palms and big stubby fingers.

-There have been at least 4 times that he has related me to some kind of dog. 

-He's a bit of a grammar nazi. Thoroughly amusing.. I now have the tendency to check my speech and texts more. (Says the girl with an English degree re: the computer guy)

So.. I mentioned that I have tendency to smirk a lot. This aggrivated people. Mostly these men. They want to know what's happening. Scott likes to ask a lot. I tell him that it's a dangerous playground. He doesn't want to know what's going on in there.

He continues to ask. So we made an agreement that he could ask 5 times a month and I'd have to tell him. (Whaaaaaa!?!) why did I agree to this?! Amanda! Why!? You're setting yourself up for so so much awkwardness!

So many expletives. 

The problem with this is that he will ask and suddenly my brain goes to the terrible things I could be thinking that would be the worst to spill! Thankfully it only applies to the smirk.

Ugh. I'm done with Scott. 

Honorable mention: 

Charlie (or GSC as he is in my phone) It took me a good chunk of time for him to stop being an awkward turtle and us to be friends. Mind, this isn't "hang out outside of work," friends. Just "getting through the day," friends. He's a solid one. I have been pestering him for the last year to find work elsewhere. He's worked here for 4 years, honestly he deserves better. Although I don't think I would have liked work near as much without Charlie: 

-yelling at me to get back to work (when I was clearly working) 

-yelling. Always. And laughing loudly

- singing terribly off key (terribly) without shame to the oldies station. 

- and his old curmudgeon personality, stuck in a 29 year old body. 

- coming to me about his girl troubles. (I could see the relief and amusement on his face when I told him about my guy problems) 

- his total germaphobe nature when he doesn't wash his work pants!!! Gross, Charlie! Wash your pants. He's a freaking enigma

- bringing up the same stories again and again and somehow it's still amusing. (For example.. That one time krista blatantly hit on him at the summer fest shindig over a year ago. Psha. She's gonna kill me) 

- incessantly talking about San Francisco and his love of it and how much he misses it. (Enter me: groan) 

And scene. 

I was telling krista about this post, reading it to her and she was very concerned that I was giving their names and such details of my friendships on the internet. So if you are concerned, dear reader, know that 96% of the things mentioned I have already or would tell them, given the opportunity.. This shouldn't come as a surprise. 

But for kicks, because I was feeling snarky, I texted 4/6 of these gents this message: 

"Dear sirs, 

I am currently writing a blog post that contains stories of particular gents of my acquaintance. Krista is under the impression that it would be better to inform you of such. So that is what I am doing. This is your warning. In conclusion, the end."

Responses received were basically- 

Warning received 

I think krista is over reacting 

I want royalties 

Cool I'm in your blog. 

(Not exact quotes, but the gist) 

The problem with my snarky habits is that it opens doors to awkwardness. Like giving these FOUR MEN ACCESS TO MY BLOG!! It had been making me a little anxious about my audience and letting them have access to my brain. 

This is also amusing because I know how they will react, too. I can almost see it. I just don't want to be there for it. 

Wow.. this one got beastly.