dear world

i've hit a moment of panic. my grad school application is due in a month and i can't think of a THIRD PERSON to write a letter of recommendation for. 


(lungs tighten... getting... hard.. to breathe..) 


i have been trying. make no doubt about that.. but i graduated from byu-i 3 years ago.. it seems like ages. 


and i know exactly what i want to say for my admissions essay. exactly.. now i just have to get it from my brain to paper, and that doesn't always translate as well. how do i express the excitement and prospect of this potential future? of not a job but a career where i can do good, enriching the lives of children/youth through my love of literature and devotion to the craft... because that's how i look at it. i'm in a library now, and a boy, probably 5, is walking by in a floppy eared hat looking from side to side at the books and shelves around him.. he's distractedly following his mom who has a stack of picture books obviously for him. my heart does little somersaults with possibility.  


sigh...


my panic also comes when i realize that i really desperately need someone to switch shifts with me for 2 days over the next couple weeks. (panic panic panic... ) ugh i hate asking for things. it turns my stomach. 


i interviewed today- a job in downtown seattle. i hate to even mention or bring it up because if i get too excited, i will fall and crash hard into the pavement if i dont get the gig. but it would be outstanding if i did. out-standing. 


i have work. a potential onslaught of phone calls of concerned/angry/confused customers. i do my best to help, but there is only so much i can do. 


c'est fini