1234- ha, liza...

It's late.. I should be sleeping.. Alas.. Here I am anyway. I have no purpose in this besides to write the nonsense that usually blathers through me into written form. Welcome to the madness, one and all. I feel kind of morose as of late. That's such a perfect word to describe. Not sure exactly what the problem is, but I'm working on finding the cause so it can be kicked in the rear.

I have to note that I've started working. Couple weeks ago actually. At a lovely inn. I've become a master bed-maker (ha.) and I feel like there is some other Cinderella story in the making through this experience. I'm not sure what it is about that story in particular that resonates with me.. Because I've written a couple different versions of it. Maybe it's that stupid shoe. The shoe always bugged me.. One girl with one stupid dainty foot. Nonsense..

Anyway... the work is good. Lot's of running around. Lot's of stairs.. (which will be my downfall or my salvation) Cleaning.. beds.. rinse and repeat. I like the girls I work with, for the most part. I love seeing things neat, clean and organized. Saying I am this way in my personal life would be a falsehood.. but I sure don't mind keeping other people organized. And in the midst of the cleaning, I am in deep with toxic cleaners and other peoples icky filth.. and I look out and see the sea.. and can breathe again, away from the toilet I'm currently cleaning.

Last week or so I went to UW for this information session. What they're looking in applications, stuff about the program.. So on and so on. It was great information and I'm so so so glad that I went. Come to find out that they are no longer looking at the GRE for the applications. (shoot and score) Downer is that they're going private so it doesn't matter if your in state or out of state. It's all just pricey. It was a plummet to death, I tell ya. Because for tuition alone, it's going to be a lot and I'm pretty sure "first born" just won't cover it anymore. The problem continues because I like this school. I like their program, and I really don't want to go anywhere else. (Partially cause at this point, it's all gonna cost the same now that I'm a WA resident and I've grown attached to the idea) I have a tentative idea, however. A plan to pay for school and not go into insane amounts of debt. It all depends on getting accepted, but I have a feeling that this time around I'm going to have a seriously kick-a application that's going to hit all their points and this will work in my favor-and rock some serious socks off. Just you wait.

I went to Seattle on Thursday? Friday? Sometime, I can't recall the day. What's important is that I went, mainly because I had to get off the island. I went to Gas Works Park in Seattle.. (Seattle really does do parks right. Holy wow) It seriously sent me into total giddiness. If you can imagine, my heart was full and overflowing with this ecstatic joy to be in the city, surrounded by people even though I knew no one. It was enough that the sun was shining, that I could see that Seattle skyline, that people were around. I could hear their chatter. It felt normal. I appreciated the feeling, and it furthered my resolve to work and save and get off. I just sat and read for a bit, watched people and relished the joy of being there. I tried really hard to take that foolhardy grin off my face, but I couldn't contain it. It surprises me at times how okay I am being alone. I mean, it's certainly not something I want all the time, but it's nice not to feel like I have to chatter on and fill the silence to entertain my companion. There's no companion. Just me. I guess I like finding these places too so I can show them to people later. "Look at this great park, beach, trail, etc.. to explore.."

I had some minor flashbacks today of many many moons ago. A loss, a tragic sudden loss. Obviously not comparing but empathizing. I would imagine it'd be something I could wrap my head around but once again, along with other times of shocking news and sudden awareness, I remain in stunned silence wishing there was something I could do. Words aren't enough, but I will do what I can.